I want to kick people in the teeth who say "Breastfeeding caused me to lose more weight than I gained my whole pregnancy!" That statement and situation makes me want to spit out obscenities and throw an "it's not fair!" Fit. That was not my reality. At all. Time to be real: I gained 80+ lbs during my pregnancy. I stopped keeping track there toward the end. I lost 30 of that coming home from the hospital. But then gained back 15. So I'm sitting at roughly 60lbs heavier than I was pre pregnancy and it's not budging. This is why you don't see style files of me any more.
I am gravely embarrassed by my weight. I was lithe, fit, and active pre pregnancy. Now i'm not. Truthfully, I've avoided a lot of social situations because of it. It's a combination of factors but let me assure you the solution isn't simply get active. I started cutting calories and my milk supply dropped. Plus I don't have time to workout. That's not me making up an excuse. I don't have time because two babies requires almost all of my me time. Oh wait, what's me time?
That's my dirty secret right now: I am embarrassed of the way I look. But you know what? I did something amazing. I gained all that weight to keep my babies inside as long as possible. It worked because they were born at reasonable weights and stayed in a lot longer than some twins do. My body did something amazing and is continuing to do something amazing by nourishing those babies. I need to embrace it and learn to love myself again.
I can obviously take care of myself by eating healthy foods, but for right now I'm trying to just be ok with where I'm at. Time for me to start believing what I tell a lot of other women: I am beautiful, strong, and intelligent. And that's independent of the number on the scale.
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